A Category for "I Love Your Guts"

Photo: potato heads and pieces, Diana F+ It was years ago when I was sitting in a room with a group of people who were engaged in an inquiry about authenticity, that one man got up and began to tell the story of how he had done something so heinous to another person that we would usually shrink back or lock one up behind bars for such a confession.  He was ashamed, and frightened to be so exposed in front of so many, but this thing was not going to let him go until he cleaned it up and left it behind.  He wasn't making any justifications or excuses, he was seeing and understanding the harm he had done and he was completely broken over it. 

I wasn't shrinking back, I was leaning forward.  I wasn't locating evil over there with him, I was seeing my own humanity in his eyes and I was filled with compassion.  He went on to tell about how he had called the woman he had hurt, so long ago, and how she forgave him.  I watched the forgiveness undo and then mend his soul, right before my eyes. 

I had been frightened, too, when he began to speak--I always was when anyone pulled back the curtain on their true selves, because I thought that some cruel abandonment was surely looming.  But I learned that day that I, too, could be brave.  That I might tell it the way it really is and magically find the room filled with love and not judgment.

I forgot that story, until yesterday when Phyllis told me another one like it.  She told me about a mentor who would point out this phenomenon in one of her groups.  When authenticity broke through like a ray of light through the clouds, he would say to them, "Look at this face. Have you ever seen such beauty?"  He would do this with men and women alike, and he challenged them all:  dare to be beautiful.  When we pull back the curtain, when authenticity breaks through, we are stunned by the beauty of the human soul.  It's sacred.  It's holy.

Phyllis and I talked about this kind of love for a long time.  It's distinctive from friendship because it doesn't really require a past or all the other kinds of knowing that friendship entails.  It's a kind of love that stirs you, wakes you up inside.  A kind that makes you want to reach out and take someone's hand or fold them into your arms or just look into their eyes in a way that says, I see you.  I know. Or, amen.

Classic movies like When Harry Met Sally have long occupied themselves with that old tennis match: friends or lovers?  Friends or lovers?  But I was so relieved when Phyllis told me these things.  "Thank you," I said.  "I just needed a category to put that in."  And I knew I wasn't the only one. 

This is an occupational hazard of doing authenticity work, whether you're a storyteller or an artist or even the rare scholar.  You can't help being wakened by the beauty of others' souls, or falling in love over and over again.

"It's really sad, isn't it," Phyllis replied, "that we don't have a category for I Love Your Guts."  Yes, I said. It's time for that to change.

Comments

[Renae C]

I listened to a lecture this weekend that started off talking about how our language is threadbare in words for love. We have one, and it's supposed to encompass it all? Hardly. And the "I love your guts" kind of love you are describing is one of the most profound experiences we can have with another soul. I'm not sure this kind of connection, power, and healing isn't really heaven here on earth. You are right Jen - it is sacred. It is holy. Oh that we could encourage it beyond the boundaries of an authenticity group or a therapy session. I experienced just one of those moments last week - and it left me longing for more. I agree "wholeheartedly". We need a change.

[Square-Peg Karen]

This is soooo apropos - a friend and I - when emailing back and forth - sign off "love and guts" - it started when we spent some time together in person (after getting to know each other online) - and I told her about how, in the past, I'd share things with people and then pull back...I felt that, even tho we'd shared our guts - we'd stay connected...

and what's apropos is - the same kind of conversation just came up the other day - and I got to tell my "love and guts" friendship story then...and now I've read yours - it's like LOVE and GUTS are in the air ; )

thanks for this..you made the subject shine!!! Also YES YES YES to what Renae C said: "I’m not sure this kind of connection, power, and healing isn’t really heaven here on earth."

[Trish]

Jen, Jen, Jen

This is one of my favorite posts. These words beckon no command my attention. Your whispering in my ear, tapping my shoulder with your message and I thank you. I have yet to be kind too myself as I am with others.

Love, Trish
patriciadolan@comcast.net

[Graciel @ Evenstar Art]

This post has given me permission...to expose the beauty. Thank you so very much.

[gem]

yes, this is holy ground. to see. really, really look & see such beauty. thank you for reminding me, wise one.
touched,
gem

[LeraJenkins]

I congratulate, a remarkable idea